ADHD Hyperfocused Menopausal Perfectionist

ADHD – Hyperfocused – Menopausal and the Chronically Late Perfectionist. My personal musings about my life and research about dealing with adult ADHD / ADD by Aleena Aspley, a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, Intimacy Coach and NEO Tantra Professional.

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OMG, IT’S ADHD !!!

I am writing this post because I recently received a diagnosis of adult ADHD, which came as a huge surprise. Reflecting now on my life and after going through early menopause, I now understand why life has been challenging for me, over the last seven years.

Looking back, I’ve felt like my life has been an ongoing roller coaster ride with many possitive and negative ups and downs. The positive decisions have been fantastic however my hyperactive and sometimes attention inept ADHD brain has made some very bad life decisions and on reflection, I look back and momentarily feel sad.

My Research: In the past two years more women are being diagnosed with ADHD.  Menopause can unmask or exacerbate ADHD symptoms in women who may have previously gone undiagnosed or had milder ADHD symptoms.

As estrogen levels decline during menopause, it can affect the balance of neurotransmitters in the brain, including dopamine, which plays a role in attention and focus. This hormonal shift can contribute to the emergence or worsening of ADHD symptoms in some women. The overlap of symptoms between menopause and ADHD, such as difficulties with concentration, memory problems, and mood changes, can make it challenging to differentiate the two conditions.

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ADHD Hyperfocused Menopausal Perfectionist

FOUR YEARS OLD

During my early years, starting school was a significant social challenge. As an only child without ADHD awareness, I despised school. Making friendships with girls and engaging in stereotypically feminine activities didn’t interest me.

Being a full-on ADHD tomboy, I found boys more enjoyable to be around. Their company was effortless, and I loved engaging in energetic pursuits like climbing, fort-building, and riding my scooter, bicycle, horse, and later, motorbike.

Academically, I was a late bloomer. Sitting still and learning didn’t captivate me; school felt dull. However, mathematics stood out as my strong suit. I really enjoyed maths and I found the subject very easy.

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My Research: ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder impacting children, characterized by inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. Symptoms include difficulty focusing, restlessness, forgetfulness, and impulsiveness.

ADHD affects academics, hindering concentration, task completion, and organization. Socially, children may struggle with impulse control and listening skills, affecting relationships with peers. Emotional regulation challenges lead to mood swings and emotional outbursts. 

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THE TEENAGE YEARS

Academically, high school wasn’t my strong suit. If a subject didn’t interest me, I’d sit at the back, zone out, and rarely study. However, my teenage years brought a transformation.

My ADHD brain thrived on surging teenage hormonal changes, and I became hyper-focused and infatuated with boys. Falling in love with my first boyfriend was a profound experience and my ADHD brain wouldn’t switch off and I was constantly thinking, over sharing and talking about him.

Regrettably, I was quite rebellious, causing endless fights with my parents. After eighteen months of struggling with a teenager who did as she pleased, they eventually gave up completely and awaited the fall-out consequences.

Luckily for me, at sixteen, I met an intelligent guy studying medicine. Being two years older, we embarked on a six-year journey filled with much heart felt love. As a couple, we embraced life, taking up scuba diving, acquiring motorbikes, cars, and going on camping trips and adventures across Australia and abroad. His quick-wittedness resonated with me, and to this day, I relish the company of active and intellectually stimulating men. I would describe myself as a sapiosexual.

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My Research: Teenagers with ADHD face challenges in academics, impulsivity, social interactions, emotional regulation, and executive functioning. They may struggle with organization, time management, and staying focused, leading to academic under-achievement and stress. Impulsivity can lead to risky behaviors.

Difficulty with social cues and boundaries affects forming friendships. Intense mood swings and emotional regulation issues strain relationships.

Executive functioning struggles impact planning and problem-solving. These challenges impact daily routines, self-care, and overall functioning. Support and understanding are essential for teenagers with ADHD to thrive.

ADHD Hyperfocused Menopausal Perfectionist

FITTING IN – BURNING FRIENDSHIPS

Many ADHD people would say that they feel like the black sheep of the family and that they have issues understanding social norms and fitting in.

In the past, I had huge difficulties in maintaining and keeping friendships.

My excitable ADHD personality and over zealous exuberance, accompanied by my hyper partying lifestyle burnt many friendships. I was a truck load of full-on-fun, motivation and excitement, however, too over the top and too much!

Looking back, I crashed and burnt many dear friends. I over shared, my personality was up and down like a yoyo, and I can understand that people can only take so much. 

I have to say this was a huge learning experience for me, I have learned my lesson, and now, in later life, I do have a handful, of very dear and much loved close friends. 

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My Research: Individuals with ADHD may experience difficulties in maintaining friendships and feeling like they fit in. Their unique characteristics and behaviors can sometimes lead to challenges that impact their relationships. ADHD individuals often exhibit impulsive behavior, hyperactivity, and inattentiveness, which can be misunderstood or misinterpreted by others.

In social interactions, they may struggle to pick up on social cues, leading to unintentional interruptions or difficulty understanding nonverbal communication.

This can create a disconnect and strain on friendships, as their behaviors may be perceived as disruptive or disrespectful. Additionally, their hyperactive and energetic nature can sometimes overwhelm or tire out their peers, making it harder for them to maintain close connections.

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ADHD BRAIN OVERLOAD & SWITCHING OFF

Sometimes my brain gets overwhelmed, leading to moments where I appear to disconnected and be in a brain fog. 

My friends have said that on many occassions, it appears like I am away with the fairies, this is because when my brain gets fatiqued, I experience a dopamine drop, which affects my ability to stay focused and engaged. So, I just switch off.  

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My Research: When an ADHD brain becomes overwhelmed and fatigued, an individual can experience moments of disconnection and a feeling of being in a brain fog. This experience may give the impression to others that you are lost in your own world or “away with the fairies.”

One of the factors that contribute to this state is a dopamine drop in the brain. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that plays a crucial role in motivation, attention, and focus. It helps in keeping the brain alert and engaged. However, when an ADHD brain becomes fatigued, the dopamine levels can decrease, affecting the persons ability to stay focused and connected.

A person with an ADHD brain can find it challenging to concentrate, stay engaged in conversations, or maintain attention on tasks. Their brain may seek a break from the overwhelming stimulation by disconnecting and entering a state of mental rest. This disconnection can manifest as zoning out or appearing distant.

ADHD Hyperfocus Menopausal Perfectionist

ADHD & BRAIN BURN OUT

As an individual diagnosed with adult ADHD, I must acknowledge my past tendency to set unrealistic expectations for myself. This has taken a toll on my health as I went above and beyond as a friend, rebuilding entire websites for free and working long hours without pay. I extended myself without considering my energy, brain health, and overall well-being.

Now, I want to clarify that hard work is not inherently bad. However, individuals with ADHD need to recognize their limitations. Taking on too much can lead to excessive stress, heightened emotions, and overstimulation of the nervous system, providing temporary dopamine boosts. Prolonged stress can eventually lead to dopamine burnout.

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My Research: ADHD Dopamine burnout may manifest as feelings of depression or exhaustion. When experiencing dopamine burnout, it becomes essential to rest and allow the body and brain to recover and recharge. This period of rest is crucial for recuperation and maintaining overall well-being.

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THE ADHD COCAINE HIT (DOPAMINE)

 

IS IT ADHD OR ALZHEIMERS?

ADHD and Alzheimer’s disease are two distinct conditions that can sometimes exhibit overlapping symptoms, leading to some similarities in how they may appear. However, it is important to note that these are separate conditions with different underlying causes.

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by symptoms like inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. While typically present from childhood, it can persist into adulthood due to differences in brain structure and neurotransmitter function.

In recent years, an increasing number of menopausal women are been diagnosed with ADHD. During this of their life stage, they may notice changes in memory and increased distractibility.

Some women with diagnosed ADHD become concerned when their symptoms worsen, while others question if they have ADHD or Alzheimer’s.